Hidden Holes Golf Course: Naming The Holes

Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images/http://edition.cnn.com

 

Written by: Matt Shock (@shockwave_music)

Edited by: Curt Ashcraft (@cashcraft740)

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In honor of the British Open, which oddly enough is played in Scotland where they name each hole on the golf course, I have decided to name the holes at a local gem that Curt and I have both played a few times: Hidden Holes Golf Course, just outside Fredericktown, OH.  The greens are small, the fairways are tight, both of which make this little course extremely challenging to the hack golfers like myself.  If you have the spare time, I definitely recommend going and playing a round.  So without further delay, here we go…

  • Hole #1 - "Anchorman" - This hole appears to be a simple little par three, but as you putt out and write a five or six on your scorecard, this line from Anchorman runs through your head,"Boy, that got out of hand fast.  I mean that really escalated quickly."  From there, you really begin to wonder what in the world you have gotten yourself into for such modest green fees.

 

  • Hole #2“Three Dozen” - This hole is a “long” par four which has woods lining each side of the fairway.  The fairway is maybe thirty-five yards wide and the trees are maybe five yards further on either side.  Needless to say, this hole is tight.  By the time you tap in with a double digit score, you will have lost a dozen golf balls, taken at least a dozen penalty strokes, and uttered at least a dozen obscenities that should never be repeated.

 

  • Hole #3 “Blind Squirrel” ­– This is a cruel little par three with a blind shot to the green and woods bordering the right hand side.  The green is approximately the size of a squirrel’s kiddie pool.

 

  • Hole #4 “Jimmy Crack Corn” – This is a long par four with a creek/pond about halfway down the fairway and a large cornfield on the right side.  Most guys (mainly me) tend to slice the ball into the cornfield while trying to clear the water.  It’s only 150 yards to clear the water, but water hazards do strange things to a man’s mind.

 

  • Hole #5 “Duck Hook” – Everyone, and I mean everyone, tries to drive the green on this hole, but it never happens on the first try.  Usually you are sitting on the green, laying three, because you just hooked your first tee shot into the duck pond on the left side of the fairway.

 

  • Hole #6 “Fore Ducks” – The tee box for this hole is right next to the green of the eighth hole.  Inevitably, someone will yell, “Fore!” and you will duck at least four times to avoid being decapitated by errant approach shots to the green.

 

  • Hole #7 “Never Up, Never In” – This short, uphill, par three is one deceptive little turd of a hole.  I typically argue with myself for five minutes while choosing a club, and no matter what club I go with, I always end up about five yards off the front of the green.  To my credit, I have chipped in for birdie from this position, so it’s not all bad news.

 

  • Hole #8 “The Congressman” – As any politician has shown by their stellar example, it never pays to cut corners.  This hole is no different.  Everybody thinks they can cut the corner on this hole and they usually end up topping the ball about ten feet in front of the tee box.  I obviously think it would look pretty to drive the green on this hole, because I’m always picking my head up to watch it happen.  This hole will be up for a name change in a few years, as the owners have planted a row of trees to block the corner cutters.  Perhaps I’ll leave it political and name it the “Sierra Club”, since the trees are always blocking the actions of the corner-cutting congressmen.  Too much?

 

  • Hole #9 “Pitch and Putt” – This hole is only a hundred yards or so, so you could easily throw your ball across the pond and probably save yourself some strokes, some golf balls, and some sanity.

I love this little golf course.  It’s challenging, but the green fees are pretty cheap, so the cost per stroke is way down on this baby.  I’ve never shot below 40 on this course, but I’ve never lost too much money playing for skins here either.

How about you all out there?  Are there any relatively unknown courses that you play from time to time?  Let us know. We’d love to play them and maybe join you for a game!