The Benchwarmer: Mighty Cold

Photo is courtesy of Matt Shock Written by: Matt Shock (@shockwave_music)

Edited by: Curt Ashcraft (@cashcraft740)

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Disclaimer – The events contained in the following posts may or may not have actually happened. The names of individuals and institutions may or may not have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. What I mean by this is that every word is true, and that the people and institutions in question are absolutely real. I’m not protecting anybody.

Ladies and gentlemen,

We have all had moments in our lives when we’ve been cold. You know, we shiver for a little bit, realize that we should probably seek the shelter of a blanket or some coffee, and we quickly head indoors. But rarely do we find ourselves in situations where we are left shivering for hours on end and it’s even rarer that we willingly stay in those situations. Such was the case during what was without a doubt the coldest double header that I have ever participated in…ever.

This double header happened to be played in the coldest city on earth, none other than Cleveland, OH.

You see, when we left the lovely and peaceful campus of OSU-Mansfield that fateful April Saturday, it was a balmy 70 degrees with a nice and pleasant breeze in the air and sunshine in the sky. However, when we stepped out of the van in Cleveland, it was overcast, about 55 degrees, with about a 45 mph wind whipping off of Lake Erie. Oh yeah, I may have forgot to mention this, the field was right across the road from the lake. Many people call old Municipal Stadium the “Mistake on the Lake” but I am here to say that this little cluster of baseball diamonds that overlooks Lake Erie is the true mistake.

I cannot tell you who we played for those two games and I cannot even tell you the score (although I’m pretty sure we won). All I know is that I’m thankful that I made it out of there alive…and I’m only half joking.

The worst part was that I didn’t even play on that first day. No. I just stood there like a fat douche Popsicle in my uniform, nearly freezing to death. That’s one thing that the Under Armor people don’t mention…you have to be moving for the Cold Gear to do any good at keeping you warm. It does virtually nothing for benchwarmers.

So there you have it, the coldest I have ever been in my life was on a perfectly good spring day in Cleveland, OH. You Clevelanders out there, I love you for all the support you guys give to Our Sports Report, but you people are absolutely crazy for calling that frozen tundra home.

Sincerely,

The Benchwarmer

By the way folks, don’t forget to register for the 2014 Our Sports Report Wiffle Ball Summer Classic that takes place on July 5 in beautiful (and warm) Fredericktown, OH! There are some great prizes up for grabs (cash, gift cards, etc.) and there will be lots of great ballpark food to be had by all (and it’ll be cheap…unlike actual ballpark fare). It’s only $20 for a 2-3 man team, so sign up today! Information can be found on the blog and also on Facebook. You can also email us at oursportsreport@gmail.com with any questions you might have! See you then!